Illumination

Shop Open on Etsy!!

2012-02-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I opened my little print shop titled Suzanne Elizabeth Art on Etsy. I feel quite relieved and am just going to add a link in here for ya'll to go to!!!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/suzanneelizabeth1?ref=si_shop

I will grow it as time goes on, but wanted to get the images that are ready out there.

ALSO, I just finished a commission for a book cover which has been in the works for two months. Ahh, the sweetness of completeness. Maybe completeness is not a word but whatever, it works for right now! The book is titled Sacred Apples and I look forward to seeing it published. I will most definitely upload a picture here in a few days after I get a picture taken of it.

Etsy

2012-01-31T14:53:00.000-08:00

A week ago yesterday I decided to open an Etsy store for my prints. This has been a long time coming, and now I am all abuzz with uploading images and writing about them and just doing a lot of busy work so that I can open this up ASAP. I have been a bit of a nervous wreck to be honest. I mean, I am not even selling individually handcrafted items yet the UNKNOWN part of trying something new is keeping me on edge. All the what ifs? that pop up into my head are ridiculous and I am fascinated by their frequency.
I am new to the shipping process and thankful I have a friend who is old hat at this to show me the ropes. Nicolas Hall is truly the reason I can even make this happen. He is a long time friend and artist who has done all my art cards in the past and who helps me with photos of my smaller paintings. Last year he purchased a fancy new Epson printer and offered to do all my printing for me. This is huge as he is so easy to work with and gets stuff done fast. Since September I have been investing in having prints made and framed for local art shows. But I want a venue to sell them all the time and that is where Etsy is a huge gift.
I will announce when it opens....
ALSO...NEW WEBSITE in the works as well.....a new look for 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND....I always like to include a picture. Here is a self-portrait I did for the Multnomah Arts Center show two years ago. I have kept it hidden since then but decided she needs to come out of hiding.

Profile

2012-01-20T23:57:00.001-08:00

The latest little 'cell gem' I redid after putting it in the Coffeehouse Northwest show. The face looks a little more like me. Erg, it was a bit of a struggle but I finally just let go and let it be done, as done as I am going to get it. I am now scouring my old cell images from a few years ago for more painting ideas and I will dive into a handful of new ones soon. I love these tiny little pieces.

Stuffed

2012-01-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

I just ate way too much too fast and ouch. That's what I get for waiting too long between meals and getting soooooo hungry I want to eat my arm off.
So, I do not know if I mentioned this, but in early December I got internet in my home and I daresay that it has changed my life. I used to tote this heavy lap top to work at the coffee shop and try to cram in a few emails during my shift, or even write a blog, but it was mostly just done in a rush or I was too darn tired after work to actually post anything. Now I can just get online when the mood strikes and the freedom to do so is truly noticeable. I even used to be kept awake thinking of all the things I needed to do online at work the next day and now all that space has been freed up to worry about a whole new set of things!!!! Ha ha, such is the mind.
Now I have this fun little creative nook with my laptop on one table, and to my right a desk full of art supplies, an easel and taboret (I probably spelled that wrong). This is my happy place and night time is when I tend to get the most done.
So, a new little painting to post. Entry Way, an 8x10 inch painting on panel started back in August for Siren Nation but not completed until last week. On display now at the Bakery Bar, $125.

BAKERY BAR

2012-01-12T20:52:00.000-08:00

Oh how I adore the Bakery Bar, 2935 NE Glisan St., Portland OR, 97232. Yummy breakfast food, delicious, no, superb pastries, and always satisfying Stumptown Coffee. And the people there are just plain cool. Kind and not snooty:) Thanks for that.
A few months ago I thought I'd ask if they needed a new artist and I got booked for January, February and March. Jenny and I spent this afternoon hanging up six prints and ten original oil paintings. I am quite pleased with the finished product, especially as I had to use fishing wire to hang each piece and I find this method a royal pain in the arse. The lighting is refreshingly good at the cafe, as it is sort of sad to hang art that does not get proper illumination (which unfortunately happens in most cafes and restaurants).
So, if you happen to be actually reading this, do go check it out!
Just a reminder, too, I can have prints made of most of my work, so if you can't afford an original and really want an image, please contact me. I also have blank gift cards with small prints of a variety of paintings for sale for $5 each, or 5 for $20. Until I get a buy option on my upcoming new website, you can buy these directly from me. I will mail them to you! Cash or check, or use Paypal.

Work in Progress

2012-01-05T23:18:00.000-08:00

Sacred Apples. This is the name of the book that I am painting a cover image for, and I have been quite inspired and challenged by the process of creating this piece. The focal point (which is intended for the cover) is of a robed and hooded monk with face hidden, staring down at apples in a market which are glowing from the light directly above them. Ok, so not really glowing, however, the goal is to achieve luminous, dramatically lit apples that do NOT look fake and ridiculous. And as I am pieceing together photographs, I want this to feel naturalistic too...though I must admit there is an element of the mysterious here. It has a dream-like feel to it.
I was looking at monk images online a few days ago for inspiration and stumbled onto the paintings of Francisco de Zurbaran, a painter I discovered as a student but never studied in depth. I am so happy to have the internet at home now to rediscover these things. One of the paintings I was affected by back then was San Serapio. OK, I admit to knowing nothing of the story behind this piece (to do when less tired) but the skilled painting of the white robe the dead man in the painting is wearing is breathtaking. And there is a little note pinned to the black background to the right of the figure, saying something I cannot read, but the delicate painting of this piece of paper also made quite an impression on me as a student. If I can paint drapery this well by the time I am dead I will be quite satisfied, thank you very much:). Now it is time for bed. Good Night.

***I got this image from Wikimedia Commons where you can go see a lot more of his paintings.

Sub Rosa

2012-01-02T23:09:00.000-08:00

I hung five cityscapes up at Sub Rosa today with the help of Mary Ann, the owner of the restaurant. Thank goodness for her, she picked me up and had just the eye for where each painting needed to go. Almost every time I hang at a new spot I get a little nervous and it is extremely helpful to have another set of eyes to help guide me. The restaurant is in the charming Clinton neighborhood, on the corner of 26th and Clinton in Portland. The work will be up all of January for sure.

Facebook and Christmas

2011-12-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

Hello again. Christmas has come and gone yet again, and as I did not purchase a tree this year for the first time in a looooong time, I daresay that I think I will go all out next year. There is some repressed Christmas spirit in me that shall volcano in about 11 months. I did, however, do the gift giving for family this year which is where all the Christmas spirit in me was channeled. I revel in giving gifts. I want to make more money just so I can get more gifts for people! This year I just made it happen, as it had to be!! There is something sacred about finding just what I think someone might want, even if it is small. The wrapping is so important, too. Little gold cards, ribbon, tissue paper. I have secretly wanted my own little retail store where I can just wrap all day long. Ok, maybe not all day long. But I think I get more joy from this gift giving thing than just about anything else;)

A little new development of late, I started a Suzanne Elizabeth Art page on Facebook, as one more way for folks to see what I do. This blog is quite tucked away at this time and there is much more traffic on the old Facebook. If you are feeling crazy, it would be super wonderful if you can go there and click LIKE. No pressure or anything. Oh, the modern world!

Veronica

2011-12-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

The following is from an newsletter called Inner Whispers I receive weekly from April Crawford, an open deep trance channel who gets messages from Veronica in the spirit world. This particular entry I want to share, as it is all about quieting the mind chatter in order to hear spirit guidance more clearly. All evening I have felt myself needing to cultivate silence, and this just felt like perfect timing to read.
...Ok, so I kept trying to post what she wrote, and it came up blank every time. If you feel like reading it you can go here http://www.innerwhispers.net/spiritguideshowtofindthem35.html.

Here is a picture to look at instead! A chandelier in the Red Mountain Yoga studio in Bellingham, WA. Sutra 2 "Control of thought waves in the mind is yoga" (from The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, A Study Guide for Book I, Translation and Commentary by Baba Hari Dass)

The Messenger

2011-12-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

Just finished an evening and night of painting, wrapping up two small interiors I started back in the summer that are worth seeing through. They are soooo close to done. Both are awkward in parts but I still want to see how I can work it out. One is a view into my closet, the other a view toward the entry way. I started these as investigations for possible larger pieces. We shall see if that happens. I already have a handful of larger works in progress and to start another might scatter me beyond comprehension!
I get so excited about so many different ideas it is kind of hard to keep up with. But that is a good thing. I just continually must focus on finishing what I have started, even if that takes a year in some cases. I have all these series I want to see through. To continue with little cell phone photo pieces, more Trimet tickets, old family photos, Virgin Mary images. I have also been wanting to do a series of purely decorative paintings, of vintage wall paper, designs I find on tiles, silverware, etc. Right now I have a life-size chandelier going. Totally tedious, yes. Good heavens.
As for the Messenger title of this blog, I shall explain. At the art opening on Thursday at Three Friends a man came who is out of this world but lives in the world. The crowd my little head was hoping for did not, but it did not matter because this man was sent with messages for me about my art, about my life and I feel completely and totally honored and thankful for what he shared with me. (and my dear friend Jenny, too). I will not go into the details, but mind blowing pretty much says it all.
Interestingly enough, I had been feeling for a few weeks before the show that I wanted to seek guidance about my path, as it was feeling rocky there for a while. I had no idea that it would just come to me so graciously and effortlessly. THANK YOU, Ali Ba. I felt pure joy in his presence and reminded of my purpose here on this earth. It is getting easier and easier for me to feel joy and that is something I have longed for all my life. Amazing to feel it manifest at quicker speeds than ever before.

Three Friends Opening Card!!

2011-12-06T20:15:00.001-08:00

Art at Three Friends Coffeehouse

2011-12-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

Hello hello. I am showing with two other artists this month at Three Friends Coffeehouse (201 SE 12th Ave, PDX, 97214), Scott C. Johnson and Julia Gardner. We will be having a warm and festive opening reception on Thursday December 8th, 6-9pm with some yummy food and drink. Julia will be selling jewelry as well on that evening, and I will be selling prints, gift cards and sparkly gift boxes perfect for the holidays. I hope you can make it out!!!!!

Wine and Art at Limo Peruvian Restaurant

2011-11-10T12:13:00.001-08:00

Hello hello. Another art show coming up, this one involving a complimentary wine tasting at Limo Peruvian Restaurant in NW Portland (2340 NW Westover Road, PDX 97210). The space used to be Paseo, where I had my art up for most of 2011. It has been renovated and turned into a wine tasting room for Limo with a large banquet table for large parties and dinners. I will show old and new work, and bring prints ($15-$60 unframed, $115-$175 framed) and gift cards with mini images of my paintings ($4). I look forward to seeng you there!!

November 5th Holiday Show and Sale

2011-10-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

Just finished sending out another newsletter and let me tell you I need to discover a faster way of doing those!! Ahhhh, tedious is the word. But now I am done and relieved and getting to sit here at Three Friends Coffeehouse between customers to write. I have recently begun a few larger pieces (much of what I have done this past year has been teeny tiny) and it is a relief to stretch out again. The latest is a painting of my kitchen table, window, bird cage, floor...a little scene that has been wanting me to paint it for a while, not life-size but close. So far it has been slow going but once the art show on Saturday passes, I will have more time. I'm also working on an image of a chandelier from the Red Mountain Yoga studio up in Bellingham where I took classes last winter and spring. I have a deep fondness for that space, and especially loved the fancy chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings. This is a purely decorative piece, life size.
But back to the show on Saturday 4-7pm hosted by the Carlsons, 2722 SE 21st Ave, Portland OR 97202. Ruby Girl Jewelry will be present too, along with Knot Ugly skirts. The Carlson home is in the Clinton neighborhood, with a handful of restaurants and shops right next door to them! I will bring a smattering of original oil paintings, prints (framed and unframed), gift boxes, and gift cards (some with images of my work, others are original little compositions). It will be a good time. My friend Nicolas designed this card for the show...thank you Nicolas!!!!

Art at Cricket Cafe

2011-10-16T17:14:00.001-07:00

This past Monday, Chris Haberman put up a smattering of my art at the Cricket Cafe, a breakfast joint on SE 32nd and Belmont here in Portland. These will be up through Friday, November 4th. Included are five framed and signed prints of my paintings, priced from $125 to $175. I am just now getting these prints up and running, as an option for those with a tight budget. The following image, Pink Sheets and Cat Litter, 40x55, is one of the prints framed in the show. I painted this image in the East Bank Lofts back in 2006. This home inspired a lot of my favorite interiors, and this particular painting is still for sale too! It is currently hanging in the wine tasting room of Limo Peruvian Restaurant off NW 23rd Ave.

Three More Cell Gems and One more TriMet Ticket

2011-09-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

These new little paintings can currently be seen and purchased at Alma Chocolate (see previous blog) along with a handful of other little pieces.

Art at Alma Chocolate

2011-09-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

For the rest of September you can see some tiny (and a couple of not-so-tiny) oil paintings by yours truly at Alma Chocolate, one of my favorite little retail shops in town. I have long admired it for its icon chocolates with 23k gold, the antique furniture and overall charm and creativity that emanates from the small space. When I hung the work with Jenny yesterday, it felt like a perfect match for my pieces, like Love Substitutes, below.

At the Airport

2011-08-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sitting at gate C15 at the Portland Airport feeling awake and anticipating the flight to Albuquerque where I will be picked up by my sister and her man. Then we will drive to Santa Fe for six days of VACATION. It is my first trip to the high desert and I am looking forward to the new landscape. And I am super duper excited to give my sister some presents she is not at all expecting...........
I was reading something yesterday that I found enormously helpful and which shed light on an area of my life that could use some improvement:) It is from a regular email I receive called Inner Whispers, and this specific entry is called "In Regard to Relationships". Essentially the message is about checking in on how in harmony you are with yourself as a way to gauge or understand where your relationships are at. The entry is far more eloquent than this, and after reading it more than once I find myself seeing clearly that I have often not been in harmony with my own self and how there is a big part of me looking for that in someone else. So the focus must be drawn back in. To nurture my own garden, so to speak, without looking outward constantly for someone else to do it for me. I often do not even realize I am looking outside myself, which I think is why this message hit home. I was ripe to hear it to help me shed this old habit.
One more thing. I was watching a program on OPB last night called Journey of Man that was pretty mind blowing. A scientist uses blood samples to find where man originated on the planet and the route of his migration journey from the origin in Africa to all the areas of the world. And he traces when they happened over the last 50,000 years. What I love about this is the fact that essentially we are all black. Race does not exist if viewed from this lens. And I learned about why white skin evolved in the colder climates. From what I understood it is necessary for our skin to absorb more vitamin D from the sun. Ok, if I am loosing you, just watch the program.

Siren Nation Paintings!!

2011-08-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

HELLO!!! Started the day not-so-thrilled and have steadily come back to life. The turning point was actually just FINISHING my resume. I visited it a while back but then shoved it aside, not ready to really finalize it or deal with it, but today was the day. It was so simple, really. Tweak the objective and brush up a few other things and wa-la. Quite frankly, I have needed the last two full months to paint and rejuvinate. I have not been ready to get myself back out there again. Covering as many shifts at Three Friends as I can to just make do. But making do just ain't enough!!! It starts to be too heavy after a while. I find my happy to unhappy thoughts ratio teeters waaaaay to the unhappy/worrrrrrrrry end and that is just not good for anyone.
So, I went to Siren Nation last night as was quite pleased to make a couple new lovely artist friends, Anna Magruder and Erika Lee Sears, the organizers of the event. One of my pieces sold which was VERY cool. Here are all three: 1) Sitting in the Corner of My Kitchen, oil on panel, 8x10, sold
2) Romance, oil on panel, 6x6 3) Will You Accept this Rose? oil on panel, 8x10

Elena Cronin portrait from Face2Face Art Show

2011-08-14T17:53:00.000-07:00

Months later, here is the painting I did of Elena Cronin for the Face2Face art show back in March and April.

Tori Amos

2011-08-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

Having a total at-one moment with music today at the coffee shop. It is a slow moment in the afternoon at Three Friends and I am listening to Tori's live album from about ten years ago (the To Venus and Back double album) and she is once again blowing my mind. She sings and plays her piano from the CORE. There is a tribal, visceral quality to her performance that is some of the greatest inspiration around. And I have heard this album A LOT. I feel kind of like I can do anything listening to it. How lovely is that?

Summer View from Randall Apt.

2011-08-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

I have spent the day sleeping mostly. Then I took myself to yoga class at four to help pull me out of a serious funk. I went to the little closing partly last night for my art show, and my art was no longer on the walls. I must say that it really hit a nerve. I am fully aware that the establishment is a bar/restaurant, not a gallery, but after speaking to the person booking art and telling him a week ago I had a closing event planned for Thursday and arranging a pick up time for Friday (today) I kind of thought all bases were covered. Looking for the silver lining here. I think it is triggering something much deeper than meets the eye because I have not yet got to the letting go part. I am more in the WTF stage. So peaceful practices like yoga are the medicine for now. And it takes so much extra will power to focus on the beauty at moments like these.

Deb and Joe's Painting

2011-07-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, July 28th my dear friend Jenny and I took a road trip up to Bellingham, WA to pay her father a birthday visit, and to deliver a commission to Deb and Joe, who gave me a cozy and welcoming place to stay during my trips up to yoga class for five months.
It was a charmed visit. Aunt Deb welcomed us with a huge spread of snacks and some refreshing white wine. The sun was shining. Ahhhh, the celebration after months of hard work!!! Here is a photo of their painting, which is an interior of their home. The 'blue room' is the bay view room, as seen from the dining and living room.

A little inspiration from Michael Brophy

2011-07-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

I was just browsing the RACC website checking out the grants I have yet to apply for and came across the name Michael Brophy when looking at recipients of past Fellowships. I have heard his name through local papers and what not, but finally took a moment to Google him and found images from the Laura Russo gallery; a series titled Memory Trip, all gouache on paper. I like them very much. As a child, every summer our family would take road trips across the western US. We'd travel for hours on end through Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado in our white Dodge van without AC, dripping with sweat on the brown vinyl seats, eating pop tarts and playing silly games or fighting with each other. These images evoke the landscape in my memory, the feeling and look of the hot summer day viewed from the windows of the Dodge Ram.

Slogging through the mud

2011-07-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

I just had an inspirational breakthrough while working on my latest commission, the rare kind that springs itself upon me out of the blue and is a welcome gift. Reminding me that all is not lost, that I am right on my path, and that I do not totally suck. These last few days…lets say since approximately Wednesday (it is Sunday now), have been bleak. I have been waking up late late late, unmotivated and uninspired and good god aren't I OVER this part of my life yet? I do my four purifications I recently picked up in yoga class like I am eating carrots…ooohhhh so hard. Dishes, hard. Moving, hard. A dull repeating dread. Around five o'clock the lights start to turn on and I get to painting and I put in an evening. Check.

Today I awoke with a headache thanks to an over-dose of cookies and two glasses of wine last night. Good grief, what used to be a good time has turned into a complete assault on my whole body. Of course it was FUN during: a movie, a buzz, and a sugar and chocolate fix. I awoke feeling like hell on a day that I had a hike planned with a friend. And it was raining. The thing is, we still went on a hike. And though I did not feel like a million bucks during, I absorbed the nature, Eagle creek, the view…medicine for this city fatigued body.

And later today, after helping out a friend who is moving, I started painting and miraculously felt renewed energy and faith in myself. Part of the last few days has involved a shit-ton of self doubt, of the kind that specifically comes during times I am unemployed. Mental exhaustion and fears that in all my adult years I have yet to quell. A body that is OVER the idea of working in a stressful environment to make money, which is the reason I recently quit my serving job. It refused to go back.

So I am here, knowing I must update my resume and get out there.

And thankful that a glimmer of hope grew out of nowhere to give me just the nudge I needed to keep on. Seeing this painting I am working on with loving, not judging eyes. Appreciating all the work I have done to this point. All that healthy self-help book kind of stuff that is actually true and which I actually feel. (Nothing is more annoying that knowing you should feel all those yummy things but DON'T and cant see it coming for miles and miles).

All right. I just felt that this needed to come out. My thanks to Anne Lamott who inspires me to be frank and not hide any of the real stuff that feels kind of ugly. I just read her book Grace (Eventually) Thoughts on Faith and it hit home.

Gold Dust Meridian

2011-07-05T16:50:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, July 1st, my gracious friend Sara and I hung my work at Gold Dust Meridian on Hawthorne, a low-lit bar with patio tables perfect for their daily 2-8pm Happy Hour. The bar may be low-lit and cozy, but there is lighting enough to see most of the work:). They are all original oils, with prints available upon request. I have some killer deals going, as the 4x5 inch Cell Gem pieces are $45, and the 8x8 TriMet tickets $85 (the price of a bus pass!!!). These are on the back wall, so keep walking into the restaurant to the left to see them.
Here are three of the paintings on display...

Working on the Railroad

2011-05-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hello from Amtrak! I am traveling up to Bellingham again for more yoga teacher training classes and have been using the magical WiFi connection to update my website and this here blog. Feverishly uploading new images and moving old ones around. All the while listening to the soothing and heart warming sounds of my sister Andi Starr's songs...Delilah's Response being my newest favorite. Bach kept me company for a while too.
I do not normally announce on this blog when I sell a piece, but today someone(s) bought a painting and it is a welcome surprise. I can never predict when someone will want a piece and that can lead to long periods when there are no purchases and I am putting in time time time and money and the return comes at a totally different time than I would ever expect. Talk about learning to put ego aside all the time and focus just on doing the work. That is the point anyway. But the feeling of getting paid every so often for the hard work is a bonus and really helps out soooooo much. Because I want to paint more and wait tables less! To find a happy medium is always a quest and I feel I am constantly journeying. The holy grail just beyond my reach:)))) I'll figure it alllll out one day, hahahaha.
Now, I am in Bellingham looking at the bay through the window of The Woods coffee shop, a popular chain of stores up here. The first sunny day since arriving last Friday. It has been cold and cloudy and wet. I paid a visit on Sunday to the church I grew up in during the 80's and serendipitously saw a handful of people I knew WAY back when. It was lovely. I also took pictures. That was what drove me in the doors to begin with. I knew I wanted to document the sanctuary, a space that holds so many memories and emotions and stuff that I experienced as a child. I think this particular building has a lot to do with my attraction to interior and the affection I have for sacred spaces, whether it be a cathedral or a favorite nook in a home. It captured my imagination as a kid. The stained glass was also part of that. The light filtering in through the brilliant colors and wondering HOW someone did that. Here are a few photos. They are snapshots, but they capture parts of the space.

Coffeehouse Northwest Opening Reception

2011-05-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

First Thursday May 5th from 5-7 you will find me at Coffeehouse Northwest on 1951 W. Burnside St. serving some wine and cheese and ready to chat it up with the souls who decide to come say hello...........

Cell Gems at Coffeehouse Northwest

2011-04-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Since last fall I have been longing to do a series based on cell images I have amassed in the two years since getting my first cell phone camera. I started a few tiny 4x5 inch pieces sometime around October and wrapped up five of them this past week for showing at Coffeehouse Northwest, 1951 W. Burnside St., PDX, April 18-May 29th. With these pieces I will include views form my latest two apartments, a smattering of still-life and interior paintings, and a series of four TriMet ticket pieces. My lovely friend Nicolas Hall documented the cell gems for me this last week for your viewing pleasure.

Paseo

2011-02-28T18:19:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I hung five paintings at Paseo, a clothing boutique off NW 23rd St. in Portland. There will be a couple more joining them once the pieces at Accanto come down this week. If you are ever shopping around the neighborhood, do pop your head in. The clothes are natural-fiber and lovely, from Central and South America, and Mexico. The artisan jewelry is equally as tasteful. Oh, and the paintings...well, I did those!!! Like it or not:))))). Sarah, the owner, also let me put a few gift boxes out for sale next to the register just for fun. $2.00 to $3.00, depending on the size.
Here is one of the pieces up in there. Table Setting Study, oil on linen, 11.5x15.5, 2010.

Choo-choo

2011-02-23T22:15:00.000-08:00

On Amtrak Cascades passing through Tacoma en route to Bellingham for my first few days of yoga teacher training at Red Mountain Wellness. A bit of a belly ache thanks to the food I just ate mixed with a little bit of anxiety due to a new experience and the change it brings into my life. Good change, yes, but good, bad or indifferent, the constant change in life kind of makes me feel sea sick sometimes. The train sways back and forth and I might as well be in a boat on the water.

MY FAVORITE things of late...I have been wanting to write them in here but am never online when I think of them, so here goes...
Book: Into the Forest, by Jean Hegland. I checked this out of Gem Studios in Portland during my last yoga class there and had never heard of it but am wrapped up in it. Two sisters, a forest, a house...that is all I am going to give away because you just have to dive unknowing into this one.

Music: THE NATIONAL, High Violet. This was playing almost non-stop at home for most of December and January, a staple when I went to paint for those months. THIS BAND KICKS ass:))))), thank you very much. "sorrow found me when I was young...sorrow waited, sorrow won...I don't wanna get over you....."

Also...this past week's pick, over and over, has been Mysterious Skin, Harold Budd and Robin Guthrie. Super soothing and perfect anti-anxiety sounds.

Food: My cousin Sarah's chicken capellini soup recipe I made for the first time last night. Delicious.
***I must also add a food DON'T I just endured. The Pita Pit. Was really hungry after yoga class and that is where I ended up. Do not make the same mistake yourself. Learn from me, I beg you!!!!! If only I could go back and undo what I have done!

Espresso: Sterling Coffee, next door to TJs on NW 21st. Exquisite.

Enough for now............

TWO BIRDS, an image I copied from my favorite knife I found at a thrift store back in the day. I want to make more of these. Right now this is up with four other paintings at a sweet clothing boutique called Paseo off NW 23rd Ave in Portland.

AARRGghhhhhhhhhh

2011-02-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

  Ok. So here I am once again at the Bakery Bar, nibbling on the rest of my biscuit with jam, sipping on my coffee and needing to let off some serious STEAM. Too much too much too much.....I am taking on too much and I do believe I will have to make a few cuts here pretty soon.
  Recently, I committed myself to a five month yoga teacher training program in Bellingham, WA which starts in a couple of weeks. I have been busy working extra shifts to raise money for this endeavor, which involves quite a few Greyhound/Amtrak trips, and the extra shifts alone have been pushing my limits. For after taking a pounding with just one Friday night of serving, the recovery involves hefty amounts of sleep. And I already sleep a lot.
  I continue to do the curating at Three Friends which is good but more work:) I keep it around because networking in that way is good. I consider it my volunteer work for now, and a safe little platform to get experience playing 'gallery' hahaha. But seriously.
  Then there is a portrait show called Face2Face coming up. I am painting a portrait of another artist who shall not be named until the show goes up in April. I started in over a week ago and it is coming along. But I must keep putting aside the time to nurture it, as my process is usually a bit at a time and slow with each piece I create. I took this on because I have been practicing more and more with the figure in my paintings. The human form and especially the face and hands have been the most challenging subject for me and I want to become more comfortable in this area. It is happening slowly. I knew that taking on this project would force:) me to try something different and not just hide it in the closet.
  I am working on a handful of other pieces based on photographs. Small cell picture studies which I plan to turn into larger pieces, and two old photos I am turning into paintings. I am feeling the urge too to get another large interior in my latest apartment going....it has been calling to me for a while.
  I won't go into the rest, but will say that I am looking forward to hanging paintings at Coffeehouse Northwest in April, and Paseo, a clothing and jewelry boutique some time after that. Or maybe before...
Enough of all this for now.
  Tonight I will be joining my friends at Accanto for the art opening there. An evening to forget about the future and just be present and enjoy. I do think it is the only way I shall get through these next many months.

New Look and ART at ACCANTO!!!

2011-01-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

I just spent the last hour here at the Bakery Bar re-doing this blog template so to add new life to this part of my online world. The blog is mostly here to just add new painting images, as words have not been a flowing out of me for a long time. Now my eyes are on overload and I must get home to do some actual painting. I will take this time to post that there will be a quiet opening at ACCANTO restaurant, on SE 29th and Belmont on FEBRUARY 8, 2011 from 5:00 to 8:00pm for the paintings I have hanging up in there this month! I look forward to a little happy hour food and wine and would very much like a few visitors! The restaurant is next door to Genoa. It has excellent reviews and I am looking forward very much to eating there:))) IF YOU DO PLAN TO COME, PLEASE RSVP to my email account at suz23eliz@yahoo.com. THANK YOU!!!!!

New Pictures of Paintings

2011-01-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

Three of the paintings completed in the Madison Apartments, unit 4, in 2010. Top, Afternoon Kitchen, Middle, Lounge Lizard III, Bottom, Madison Apt. 4 Kitchen. All are now on display at Accanto restaurant on SE Belmont and 29th through the beginning of March.

Burbank

2010-12-15T21:21:00.000-08:00

Listening to the song Sunset Grill by Don Henly at the Bob Hope Airport. It is an 80's station which quite frankly I am enjoying....maybe not this song as much as others:) but it does bring me back. The sun is shining but I am in the terminal waiting and super glad to have this computer to make the time fly by faster as my total wait time is five hours here. Battery power dying though...that is unfortunate. YAY, Depeche Mode!!
I was at my sister Andi's house for Thanksgiving and we had some of the best turkey day grub ever made by our own hands!! She and Asher fed me like royalty while I was there and even let me use the queen bed. Not bad at all.
Now it is mid-December and I am blown away that the end of the year is upon me. I just went through one of those transformational weeks where I felt like I was dying to my old self and shedding some serious STUFF that needed to go. It is hard to put it into words but now that I have come out of the 'tunnel' as my sister so eloquently put it, I feel stronger and can see the purpose in the storm that just passed through. I suppose that the deeper we go into consciousness and releasing the past and cleaning out that which does not serve us anymore, these times will come. When least expected. So hold on tight:)

Halloween

2010-10-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am actually dressing up for Halloween this year. Nothing short of a miracle. I was going to give ya'll a hint with an image but the downloading just is not cooperating. SOOKIE STACKHOUSE. Yes. I must get home and draw the Merlotte's logo and iron it onto the white t-shirt I bought yesterday.

I will be serving at the Blue Olive tonight and then hanging out in the bar after. If you happen to be actually reading this and want to know the Blue Olive Restaurant is at NW 21st and Glisan and the party starts at 9:00pm:)

Dreamy

2010-09-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

Outside Whole Foods bumming their free two-hour internet while listening to cars speed by on Burnside behind me. Fall just around the corner and the weather cool and clouds again and all the internal shifting that goes on inside of me this time of year. The 'I'm not so sure I want the weather to shift' hesitation and oh no, not Thanksgiving and Christmas AGAIN and I just want summer....oh beautiful warm and easy summer. I never got to swim in your warm lake waters, roll around in the sand or camp in your woods!!! How I want to...I swear, next year you and me will be together...a real vacation. I PROMISE!!!
Ok...now that I got that out I can move on. More changes on the horizon. My sister Madison is moving to New Mexico in three short weeks and the last few months have involved a lot of grieving around that. We are so close and she is like my mother sometimes as she is so present with me when I need emotional assistance that her leaving is no small thing. It has sparked me to thinking at times that I might as well pack up and find a new place to lay my head because what is the point of sticking around with no sister in town???? Art-wise I feel it is time to pick up the brushes and get to work again on some ideas that have been swimming around in my head.
I put some cards, boxes and small paintings on display at Burnside Proper Monday, a perfect little home for these pieces for now. My friend Tatiana Sakurai hooked me up as she has had her amazing jewelry line Hubris and Sophprosyne on display there too. Think a blend of antique and modern and whimsy and a feathery Native American vibe thrown in....(You can find some of her pieces on Etsy).
Here are some pictures of some cards on display. I have not documented each and every one because they are all different and until I get a scanner and a digital camera this is just the way it is for now.

Bad Romance

2010-08-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Listening to Lady Gaga and I daresay it is love at first listen. Had to hear what all the fuss was about and I now get it.
I wrote those two sentences before I lost juice on my computer three days ago and the song has been in my head ever since and it makes me laugh. Goood times.
Due to the fact that I have no internet connection in my apartment, I have been treating myself to breakfast at the Bakery Bar on Glisan where I eat a glorious breakfast (the #4 and the Dan's Scramble are my two faves so far), drink my coffee and see what is up in the interweb world. I have been working almost every night in my new job as a server for the last three weeks and I need treats along the way to keep me going. I had my first MELTDOWN over a week ago which thankfully was worked through with a good dose of tears, friend/sister support and acupuncture and now I feel more adapted to the presence of this new job in my life. I have to remind myself to breathe a lot and to just slow down and relax already. One of the reasons I have been a barista for so long is that there is more sanity in the job...restaurants are just more stressful, period. Good lord. If it is not me having an off night, it is the kitchen or someone showed up late or all the customers show up at once and there is no way they are all going to get amazing service....
But the food is delicious and there is nothing better than eating a yummy meal after a night spent running around on my aching legs.

holy crap

2010-08-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Suzy and I am an alcoholic...lolol...not that alcoholism is funny but I am not one I just feel like I need to check into a clinic or something for the PATTERN I seem to be reliving than at this time in my life needs to be nipped in the bud so I do not relive it again. Here it is for all to hear...I work customer service for a few years doing a little art on the side, get burnt out on the customer service, quit to devote all my time to art-making, go broke in a few months burning through the little I had to live on and then go crawling back to customer service and work overtime to catch up and then CRAVE time to just be, to listen, to create.
So, I would say that right now my art project is creating a life that sustains me and is much more abundant so I am not just barely eeking by. I am officially OVER it. Been over it for a while but now is a time to really change it. More on this later.....

PDX Bridge Festival

2010-07-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hello again. I have been spending some of my spare time volunteering with the lovely Ray and John of Portland City Art preparing galleries for various Bridge Festival art shows these last few weeks. Last night I learned how to hang work at the Olympic Mills Commerce Center. A week before that I painted a black wall in what used to be a Present Perfect store at the Pioneer Place Mall for a video installation that is on exhibit there. It has been a welcome activity which helps me feel on purpose and connected in this crazy little world.

I entered a piece of mine titled Rose City Winter, o/c, 2006 and it is hanging at the Olympic Mills Commerce Center. They will be having an opening on Friday the 23rd. I will not be present at this one as I must catch up with a good friend and her new baby I have not seen in two months too long....

Wonderland

2010-07-12T14:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so every night for the past four nights I have been reading Joyce Carol Oates' Wonderland before bed. Not wanting to stop as this book has captured me and I never want to go to sleep no matter how tired I get. I want to know what turn Jesse's life will next take. He is orphaned as a boy in a most dramatic and heart wrenching way and then his life journey from that point is not easy. More tragedy, naturally. Or unnaturally. I feel this guy. His detachment after losing his family. His grandfather's distance and lack of nurturing love. The family that adopts him its own train wreck and he adapts to them and is rejected by them. All along he adapts to his surroundings but is just surviving emotionally, unable to really deal with or process each blow that comes his way. Lying even to his new wife about a past he cannot talk about and buries. He becomes a neurosurgeon in an ultimate attempt to exercise control over his life, which is a blur of work. His wife is unhappy, he is unhappy but focused. He is isolated and barely knows anyone, his wife or himself. He has these overwhelming desires for women that he does not know and a tendency toward rape with the women he is with...a kind of desire to dominate them...to inhale them. Inhale is not exactly the word I am looking for but it is closer than any other coming to me.
I feel like this is the Great American Tragedy....a beautifully written piece that represents so amazingly my grandparents and parents generations. Transcending the surface illusion of eveything is ok that families and people tend to project and getting inside to the truth of how fragile each person really is, how each person is trying to fit into a role, a place to feel safe but how loveless and empty they really feel.
Hmmmmmm.....what a challenge to face all these demons and rise out of the dark pasts. I feel we all have two options in our lives. To either ignore the past, if it was indeed a painful one, and charge ahead finding things to kill the pain or hide it or a role to hide into....or look at it all and admit that it happened and find ways to move through the triggers that can arise in our present which have their origins in an experience that happened when we were two, three, thirteen...whatever it is, just looking at it and admitting it and dealing with it. THERE, to me, is freedom. The power to break a cycle of unconsciousness and perpetuation of tragedy.

ILLUMINATION Opening July 2

2010-07-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

After months of painting and three intense non-stop preparation days, the opening reception last Friday evening came and went with lovely grace. A steady flow of old friends and unknown (to me:)) art appreciators came into the Center Gallery at MAC to help me christen this latest chapter in my art journey. I am ridiculously thankful for every single person who helped me get my work out there, hang it, not to mention providing rides to Trader Joes and photos of the paintings...Zee, Madi, Jenny, Jason, Tomas, Bobbi, Darlene....thAnk you thank you thank you thank you. I WUV you all!!!
On our way out that night, the last group of us were walking to our cars and I looked up and saw my name in lights...

July at Multnomah Arts Center

2010-06-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

Opening Reception Friday, July 2nd from 7-9pm.

In the Center Gallery of the Multnomah Arts Center. I hope to see you there!!

**THANKS again to Nicolas Hall for designing the show card. I wish I knew how to do such things, but at this point they super stress me out. He has a way of just elegantly and quickly whipping these things out. It is a gift, I tell you. A gift.

Holiday Celebrate

2010-05-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

Memorial day today. I am not a fan of holidays in general as I find a kind of funk descends upon me or emerges from my body memory...one of the two. HOWEVER today has been pretty decent. Just worked on one of my new kitchen pieces and it inches closer and closer to being finished. Another layer on the amber water glass, the pipe, the butter...precision time people!! It is really almost always precision time in my studio, but in the latter stages of a painting especially. I have been spending the last five days quiet in my studio with a lot of sleeping going on, painting, laying low in general. It is good. As I am moving from this apartment in 20 days, I must finish all the paintings of this home and the view out the window VERY SOON. I can, I will, and I must. And that leaves little time for dilly dally. And is one of the best motivators EVER, as I am very excited to move and very excited to finish these pieces all at once.

I am moving to a much quieter place. The same abundant amount of light, hardwood floors and old, like I like my apartments, but not amid loud streets and near bars and smoke and parties. GET me out!!!! This place has held me purposefully and beautifully for a while, and I will miss its charm, but I look forward to a new chapter.

Now I am heading to the Night Light for my first evening out in a week. Looking forward to unwinding.

More New Pictures of Paintings!!

2010-05-15T23:48:00.001-07:00

Two of my newest paintings. On top, a picture from 1979 of my Grandma Starr and Grandpa Carlson at the dinner table in Oakland, CA. I love all the dishes and silver and the flash in the mirror. This definitely looks better in real life but you get the gist here.

DB COOPER and DUSTY are in the painting below. I was inspired by this cat (DB Cooper) who comes into the coffee shop I work at and is sooooo adorable it kills you. This photo of the two of them is on the cat's Myspace account and it called to me and asked me to paint it.

Pictures of Paintings!!!

2010-04-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday I finally got some new pictures of my recent work ready for the web....yeah!!! These four are samples from the 20 paintings I did on panel (all approx. 8x8) for the BIG 100 Show back in December 2009. I am happy to see them again as I sold most and had forgotten what they looked like.

Down and Up

2010-04-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

Got the blues today. Bordering on the 'mean reds,' to quote Audrey Hepburn's character in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Was watching that last night and kind of love that movie. Cat is one of my favorite movie cats EVER. It is quite grey outside and I feel heavy and not quite motivated to paint. Or clean up my dishes in the sink from breakfast. I feel fear. Hmmm, not a foreign feeling and largely based on things out of my control which is why I keep saying to myself come back to here, now, because I DO have everything I need and even things I want and a fridge full of food and a couple of cuddly cats and a bathtub (clawfoot even!!) and a bed and music and I can go on but I think my point is made.

So, that was earlier today and it is near bedtime and this is the second day something has been made crystal clear to me. Painting makes me feel better. It is like putting a pacifier in a crying baby's mouth. Yet I do not RUN to it first thing in the morning...I sort of put it off and flirt with it a bit and then walk away and then come back like it is exercise and ew I do not want to be in pain. Showing up is half the battle but once I start I am like WHY did I avoid it at all??????!!! (It should be mentioned here too that that is how I approach yoga...wary as all get out but I walk away happy...oh yes, and vegetables as well.)

I have just finished some work on a painting of my Grandma Starr and Grandpa Carlson from back in 1979. I had in my possession two small sqare photos taken during a family dinner, and they called my name months ago to be borne into paintings (bummer being that only this one is left as the other one I even liked more has vanished). I have always adored family photos and looked obsessively at our photo albums over and over and over as a kid, LOVING the super-8 (I think that is the name) home movies and slides of vacations, Christmas, etc. As childhood affects us for the rest of our lives, these images of my childhood hold such awe, mystery and heartbreak to me. Like I am an investigator into the past studying each picture, wondering what each person was thinking and how they got to be in that place and how being around them shaped my view of the world (not to mention how I feel about myself). I also like to look at the old furniture and dishes and clothes too.

I am making this painting as detailed as possible. It is small, only 12x12, and I am now using the tiny detail brush and just taking it one section at a time, over and over until it is spot on. Perfection is not really attainable and there will be some things that are a bit off, naturally, but I am liking (and sometimes loathing!) the challenging detail of the china and crystal and silver of the table setting. Not to mention the faces of my grandparents. (I have been afraid of painting faces for years, super challenging for me.......)

Enough for today. I want some coffee ice cream:) Night.

Patience

2010-04-09T14:46:00.001-07:00

I watched an OPB special on Buddha the other night and found it very relevant to my life right now. He is and inspiration to say the least, and I did not know his life story before. I am alone a lot these days and in quiet or listening to music with few distractions. Equally good and challenging. The mind is a fickle thing...the pesky ego rearing its head like every other second. One day I feel like I'm moving along right where I need to be and the next I feel like I'm doing it all wrong and so and so is doing it better and OMG I am not DOING enough and I am fucking it all up and AHHHHHHHGGG!! It is comical after the fact, after the wave of fear moves through and I suppose my goal these days is to watch these moments go by with more detatchment. I still have this measuring stick in my mind that thinks production is the most noble thing...a very American, assembly line idea of success as something measurable and doing and making more more more is what gives me a sense that I am ok, I am doing enough, I am a productive member of society!!! Yikes. I think that is why yoga is so helpful to me...and non-judeo christian ways of thinking that I grew up with. To unwind all the programming takes time. My awakening out of religion came about at age 17 and it has been a process. Opening to new ideas, rejecting the institution, and finding a path of my own where there are no rules for how to go about living your life. Sometimes I want rules! I want someone to tell me what to do so I don't have to think for myself:). But ultimately that does not serve me best. So I keep on, taking one step in front of the other ever so gingerly learning to trust that I will be kept safe and that I can enjoy life too. Staying in the moment and finding joy in it being the ultimate success I can achieve.

Changes

2010-03-13T21:56:00.000-08:00

Wow. It is March already and how time just goes so darn fast. I volunteered at the Love Show closing party last night and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I met some absolutely delightful people who work behind the scenes at Portland City Art and am looking forward to doing that again some time. I stopped into the Olympic Mills Commerce Center today to take my painting down and it is now hanging on my wall here in my little studio. I am saving it for a show in July and will be able to enjoy its presence until then. Or maybe I will bring it over to Caffe Pallino for a few weeks....we shall see.

I am embarking upon a fresh chapter in my life as I quit my day job a week ago to focus on my creative work. A lot of things factored into my decision, the biggest one being that I was just burnt out on the customer service. At its best it is such an amazing job to connect with people, coworkers and customers alike, but I found myself less and less enchanted with it over the last handful of months, and wishing more and more I had more time to stay home and let creation take over without time constraints. So here I am. I took this last week to take a vacation, and am now back and letting myself settle into life at home. It has been mostly dreamy. I am going to just go with the flow here and see where it all leads me. One day at a time.

Inner workings

2010-01-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

The canvases I began stretching when last I wrote are still drying in my studio apartment. I put the last layers of gesso on each yesterday and am basking in the odor of the Gamblin ground which is not really the best thing to be breathing in. I keep the fan on at night to ensure fresh oxygen making it to my lungs.
I purchased a fair amount of paper yesterday for another project I began exploring this week. Since June I have been meeting weekly with a woman named Mary Hoffman. She has been my guide in an inner journey where I speak to my inner child. Essentially, I ask a question of my inner child with my dominant hand, and answer with my non-dominant hand. I also draw pictures with my non-dominant hand which are used in the therapeutic process. I began work with her for a number of reasons, but one at the time which was bothering me was feeling blocked artistically. I had a loud mess of critical voices keeping me from moving forward, and I needed help. This work has been a transformational experience as I am freeing the locked up parts of me as each fear or memory arises.
The project I have embarked upon involves this work directly. My inner child self has a lot to say and draw and has made that very clear to me this week. I am working only with my non-dominant hand, which happens to be my right hand. Painting, writing and drawing. She wants BIG paper. Big brushes. Lots of paint. I have gotten large paper, but I am sensing I need one as big as a wall for her to be truly satisfied. As the space in here is limited, that wall will need to wait...the large paper and old rolled canvas I am painting over will need to suffice for now.
The first painting I started on Sunday night was truly awkward. I went from feeling good about my day to pretty uncomfortable, as it brought out some wicked uncomfortable emotions. I felt out of control and frustrated and unsure of myself completely. A few drawings and paintings later, I still feel out of control but I feel the work is compelling me to keep at it and keep writing and filling up paper and just doing it. Messages are coming out. My inner child just wants to be heard over and over and over again. Free from censorship and criticism. I am trying to be an observer in the process. It is a demanding experience.
Radiohead's In Rainbows is the soundtrack to this experience. It is the only soothing album to me as I work. I feel somehow held by it as I let out all these emotions via colors, words and scribbles.
Back at the beginning of the 00's I spent a few years exploring this type of artwork, call it expressive artwork or art therapy, but I was using my dominant hand. (Radiohead was one of my favorites then to work to as it is now). Upon the beginning of this current project, I see that the themes are similar and the execution of them as well. I am relieved to have a guide (Mary) this time in the process as it is emotional and not easy (I said this already). And keeping it to my non-dominant hand is a guideline I like, as it helps me connect to a deeper level beyond what I am conscious of.

"Her voice must be heard. Her colors must be seen. Her joy and sadness must be expressed."

Fresh Canvas

2009-12-28T22:07:00.000-08:00

I took a trip downtown today; it has been a few months since I headed over the river. I found my way on this gloriously sunny day to Art Media, after not finding a bead store that has apparently gone out of business since my last visit. As 2009 draws quickly to a close, my mind is on the new work I will be diving into shortly, as I prepare for an art show in July at the Multnomah County Arts Center. I want to have a new body of work, and six months is not really all that long in which to achieve this goal. But I am determined and thankful for a deadline (I love them and hate them all at once) to keep me focused.
I have been thinking about taking a trip to get fresh canvas for a while now. I have given myself ample time to take it easy since the end of the Big 100, and now the creative juices are starting to stir again. Something I have not done in over two years ( I cannot believe this is true) is stretch fresh canvas. I have been working so small and on panel or on pieces I stretched and prepped back in 2007. I purchased four yards of cotton canvas (the linen would have been lovely but was an insane amount per yard) as well as a ridiculously cheap 10x10 inch pre-made canvas, and an 8x10 panel which was also on sale at a killer price. I love a good deal. Oh yes, and the Gamblin ground. This stuff is expensive. But worth it. Thankfully I still have a decent amount of PVA size to put on the canvas first.
It felt GOOOOOOD to take out the pliers and stapler and get to work. I started on the largest canvas first, approx 40x80 inches, then did a couple more medium sized ones. I may now have blisters. The experience got me reminiscing about doing exactly this in my old loft on Ash Street. And then I took a walk back further in my memory to my first painting class, and Jim Phalen showing us all how to properly stretch canvas, then gesso it and put a ground on it. I have fond memories of the first year of painting, when I was learning and excited about it and frustrated with it all at once. I still feel like a beginner at moments like these when I do not know what the heck I am doing next. And I know they are going to be BIG pieces, no more little tiny ones for a while. I feel like they have something to say, even though they are barely thoughts yet. That may only make sense to me.
I have no clue what images will grace these surfaces. I'll spend the next few days laying the size and ground and thinking about that. I do know that on a small piece of panel I already have ready, I am going to attempt a self portrait. I am not a fan of the self portrait, as doing them is a pain-staking experience for me. Looking in the mirror and trying to paint all at once and get a likeness and the flesh colors and egad....but it has been many years, since college really, that I have completed one. I started one over three years ago that rests unfinished in my closet. The other I began in fall I painted over.
So, here I sit in my bed with the tree lights twinkling, Edgar napping on the green chair piled with laundry, and Ikea candles burning elegantly on the coffee table. I am thankful for a place to live, inspiration to do something I love, and for the people in my life that make me feel rich. I have run out of things to say for now. Good night.

BABY JESUS

2009-12-24T22:57:00.000-08:00

HAHHAHAHAHAHA. I got that from Bobbi Hokenson. Ok. Writing here on Christmas Eve in QUITE good spirits as my beautiful Persian goddess of a friend Marjan has just had her FIRST child, a baby boy, on this Christmas Eve. What could make it any better? My other beautiful friend Josi got to be there by her side (yes, I am slightly jealous though I must say she was the perfect woman for the job, being that she is a natural care-giving nurse type) along with Marjan's husband Shahin, most naturally. So mostly this post is in existence to share my joy. I had an intimate and lovely night with my sister Madison eating food, drinking sparkly beverages of the alcoholic persuasion, talking and watching a movie (Sliding Doors, circa 1998). All in all, a splendid Christmas Eve. We even squeezed in a little choral music on OPB hailing from Saint Olaf college. (Oh those well bred 21 year old kids from the mid west. Just wait till you get OUT of college...)

My cats are sacked out next to me awaiting Christmas morning when they get their FIRST stocking stuffers ever. This year I decided to buy myself my first stocking of my adult life, and while I was at Goodwill purchasing this stocking I found another that I thought would be perfect for my cats. I proceeded to not only buy myself stocking stuffers for my amazing new stocking, but to purchase a few extravagant mice with feathers for tails for Edgar and Sweet Pea. Tomorrow morning shall be very exciting for all of us.

I think this is all for now. Christmas love to you and all of yours!!!!!!

The Big 100

2009-12-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

Highlights from The Big 100 art show on December 11, 2009.
My sister Madison and I walked our way through the SE to the Olympic Mills Commerce Center at 5:45 pm on a Friday night. We entered to a lobby full of art, artists, ooglers and buyers. All artist's pieces were spread around the giant lobby on big panels. You had to hunt to find all your pieces, which added an element of surprise and exploration for the viewer. People were quick to snatch the pieces they wanted, and as time progressed the hallways got more and more jam packed. As for my work, by ten o'clock 11 were gone (woohoo!!) and I am crossing my fingers that maybe one or two more walked out the door by eleven. Some of the pieces left on the walls were the experimental abstracts, two of the pieces I achingly pulled together at the eleventh hour, and one or two I really liked but did not grab anyone's eyes. It was cool to see people taking my friends (Sarah Cruse and Robyn Carlisle) work off the walls to purchase and to see a couple people even holding my work in their hands! Madison was my right hand woman. We enjoyed a few beverages, talked with dear friends who showed up to support the arts, and plenty of others we bumped into. All in all the night was GOOD. I do not know who ended up with the little 4x6 piece I put in the silent auction of the Burnside Bridge. Hopefully I find out on Friday when I pick up my work and paycheck:)

to view pictures of the event night (photos by kerosenerose) go here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kerosenerose/sets/72157622869505253/

Busy Busy

2009-11-16T00:19:00.001-08:00

Well, one week has come and gone since the art show at Darlene's home and now I am diving full force into 20 pieces of art on panel for the BIG 100 show in December. Crizazy if you ask me. It is one thing to be all excited to make that many pieces in such a short time and a whole 'nother thing to actually do it. Creating 20 pieces that are each engaging in some way is a healthy challenge and a pain in the ass!!!!!!
Here I am at 12:30 am, waaaaay past my bedtime but with a second wind after a post-baby shower three hour nap during the day. (My beautiful friend Marjan is having a baby in December:)). I am taking advantage of this sleeplessness by painting, setting up online bill pay and ohhh I feel very productive. The Cure is keeping me moving. (Jacque, you are a goddess for making me this mix.)
Focusing...thank you to anyone who is reading this who came to the art show at Darlene's home. It was such a lovely turn out and a pleasure to sell paintings again!! I felt so supported by those who helped me put it all together. Darlene created a colorful and delicious spread of food and provided the infamous Charles Shaw (It had been a while since my last glass of Shaw...and I liked it:)) She was such a gracious hostess. So welcoming and easy going. I felt quite relieved when it was all over and have just let that feeling sink in all week. It would have been nice to not have ANY painting to do after it, but alas, I signed up for the job and I can do nothing in December when the next show is over!!

November 7th Art Show

2009-10-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

The colors in this image are wonky. In reality this is really pretty. But every time I upload it to blogger look what happens!!! Oh well. The information reads the same.
This postcard was designed by my friend and boss, Nicolas Hall. Click on his name to see his work.

October

2009-10-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

Gotta get outside and play before the sun goes away. But I wanted to add something in here as I have been quiet for a month. I am now preparing for another art show, a one day event on November 7 at the home of my friend and "patroness" he he, Darlene Carlson. I am making new pieces for this show, but shall bring my oldies as well. These paintings want new homes to live in as they are tired of staying at my house:)
I am making more gift cards as well. So far, I am my biggest fan of these, big smile inserted here, but I am hoping other people will like them too. Collages of old napkins, feathers, stamps, and other random pieces of paper.
Hmm. Enough for now. Got to get out of here.

A time to paint

2009-09-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

There is a time for everything under the sun, and right now painting is my focus. I came home from work today and was not satisfied with anything until I got to working. A new still life. Simple, a pomegranate (for there is something so beautiful about them), twine and paper which two days ago wrapped some new face soap I purchased on my way to yoga. All on white tablecloth. Since the beginning of my interest in painting, I have wanted to paint white. Because there are so many subtleties, so many other colors going on there. I am also finishing up a painting for a friend I was hoping to have had done a while ago. She got married and I had remembered that she liked an old still life I did of Morton salt and a can of Eagle Brand condensed milk. So here I sit, 13 years after the original (which found a home years ago), painstakingly picking at letters and a little cow and a girl holding an umbrella. I finally got the color for the background I was searching for. It took a while to get to.
I am liking my new home arrangement, with the studio where the bed used to be. It makes sooo much more sense. All the art stuff out all the time, but not in my way.
Fall is coming. I feel so much change in the air, way beyond just the weather.

Post-Manor Life

2009-08-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hello again. Well, life at the manor has come and gone, and I must say the ride was lovely. My buddy Josi helped me take all the paintings down, spackle the holes, gather the clip lamps and chairs and shove it all into her man's van. Shove being the operative word here. Now my home is a disaster area and since getting home from work tonight I have not lifted a finger to change it. I just ate dinner and watched an episode of the X-files instead. GOD I love the X-Files. How I have managed not to have mentioned that show in any of these blogs is, well probably a good thing. Years ago I spent a lot of time watching it, namely in college after a day of classes and painting and homework. Then this year a friend let me borrow her collection and so I have slowly been going through each episode from the very beginning!!!!! Woo hoo. Ok, more later. My sis needs this computer:)

The Manor of Art

2009-08-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo!! Art show coming up. I sort of fell into this one thanks to artist/curator Chris Haberman having some room in the Manor for my work at the last minute. I have been preparing room 336 of what used to be a home for the elderly for the hanging of my paintings. The first week of install I rolled some fresh eggshell paint on the walls, allegheny green on the doors inside, and scrubbed and vacuumed the floors. This second week I have added violet minstrel to a shelf area, hung my bird cage and most of my paintings, had Tomas take some photos of new paintings, not to mention a handful of other little tasks.
This experience has been a wonderful one as many of my friends have helped me out not only with trips over there (it is out on 82nd), but with screwing things into the ceiling, cutting wood for my clip lamps to hold onto, helping me place all the paintings, taking me to hardware stores, etc. It has been sweet how effortlessly the pieces have come together. I do admit I have been on overload pretty much every day, and tonight I am trying to unwind before my last day of preparation tomorrow. I need to put all the clip lamps in the right place and then figure out how to plug them all in so extension chords aren't too noticable. And paint a little more. And sage the place:).

Go to milepostfive.com/manor for address and details about the ten day event!!!

100 rooms, 100+ artists, 20 bands, and more. ROOM 336~~~

See you there.

Cuckoo's Nest

2009-07-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

You wanna drive someone bonkers? Move them to any home/apt. around 12th and Hawthorne and tell them to try and sleep and rest. You can't. Especially around the 4th of July. Last night, the 3rd, someone(s) decided it would be AWESOMe to let off the biggest and the loudest possible fireworks you can get next to the giant ones they use downtown for the big day. And keep doing it all f*^!ing night!! Then, on the 4th, decide it would be sooo cool and hip to have a LIVE band play on the front lawn so EVERYONE can hear all f*&!ing night long.
There is no where to hide. No corner. No closet. Can't watch a movie cuz I cannot hear it. I am tired, mentally a physically as a result of my full schedule this week (not to mention the heat), and my poor little being sees no relief coming for the rest of the night.
Dear God, pretty please tell me that one day I will have that cabin on the lake and I will spend every future July 4th there in the quiet of nature. THANKS. You are awesome.
ADDENDUM to this blog...about 1.5 hours later and a new band has started in the back yard of the next door neighbors home...so right behind my window. This has attracted a full-on concert like atmosphere. Screaming fans on the lawn and on the roof right below my window. I daresay I actually LIKE what I am hearing so have taken out the ear plugs for this show. Apparantly I am not as much of an old lady as my craving for peace and quiet might lead one to believe.
Still annoying but I guess if you can't beat 'em...

Yoga is amazing

2009-06-29T14:18:00.001-07:00

Just felt like saying that I love yoga. I have been going to the Bikram studio on Fremont for a year now (well, that is a stretch as I confess to having missed five months in the winter) and it is pretty remarkable how much it helps cleanse a tired, stressed out, toxin filled body. I mean, I don't put a whole lot of junk into my system, but I still find the wringing out effect of hot yoga to be unlike any other exercise I have tried. And the mental toughness you gain is truly priceless.
Take today for example. I awoke in a funk and doubting my everything I can possibly doubt, and I showed up half asleep to class, stretched and sweated through the 90 minutes and now I feel much better. Sunshine is back in my head again. (though I will add here that the oven pancake, strawberries and coffee helped pack a little extra sunshine in when I got home!)
So, now what? What do I want to do today? I want to go to a cabin in the woods with a lake and a boat and swim. Float. Anyone have one they can spare?

Evergreen Art Show

2009-06-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am selling some wares on Alberta with a handful of other artists and craftspeople. This is the first time in a couple of years I have done this and I have been putting together some cards, gift boxes and finishing up a few little (4x6) paintings on panel of views from my new apartment. I also have some drawings I did while in San Francisco.
Address is 5024 NE 30th Ave, aka the MANsion.

New Beginnings.

2009-06-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

It is funny. I come to this computer at the library downtown and go into myspace and facebook and now this blog situation, and the cat gets my tongue. I know I have things to say, but do I really want to utter them? To express myself and say what I feel when it seems everyone and their mother is and it is published online and do I really want to partake? But then I am like, well, I sometimes really like to read what others are going through to help me understand what I experience or to know I am not the only one or......hmmmmmmm.
Listening to my 'friend' Alanis while I write. The prime example of a woman who has put her emotions out there on a plate and has helped me considerably. Thanks, lady.
I am painting more lately and it feels good. This is one aspect of the new beginnings. It is like breathing (except for the fact that the fumes are a bit overwhelming. He he). After walking away from it all and breaking down for a long while and struggling just to wake up in the morning and breathe and eat, I think I have come back around to the fact that I actually like painting. I like to observe and report. That painting what I see around me is a meditation and to take the days and weeks to capture each little scene is totally and completely fulfilling to me. But for a long while it was not meant to happen.
I only now am becoming more comfortable with myself in a way I never before experienced, and this includes honoring all the different cycles I go through, breakdowns, breakthroughs and everything in between. For years I have longed for more feelings of peace, stability, happiness...and I can feel these on a much more regular basis now. Thank goodness.

Forever

2009-05-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

I am still alive. It has been almost a year since I blogged for I lost interest for a long while. Now I am at work, a slow day enabling me to take care of this business that has been a tick in my brain for a long time. This blog needs a new skin. New energy. Happiness. More later. Consider this a temporary place holder.

Myth vs Reality.

2008-07-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

A year and a half ago, I decided to put away my customer service shoes and embark upon life as an artist with the intent to just make money on my art. Though I did not have a financial plan set out, I knew I needed to do it. I knew it did not make money sense, but since it made sense in every other way to me, I went with it. And I wanted to see if it was true (call it my own personal scientific experiment), that if you do what you love, or what your gift is, or whatever, that the money will take care of itself.

Though I do believe this can work out, and has worked out for others, it was not the case with me, at least not at this time. I say this matter of fact-like now, though coming to grips months ago with the reality was not an easy thing. Now, I am working and making money through serving again. The interesting thing about getting back to work has been that I realize how much I actually like the jobs, for one. After a long period of 'solo' time, dressing up for work and socializing with customers is a welcome change, and I am reminded of how much it suits me, as I have always liked to throw a good party and serve people food and drink. And despite the stressful times, I like the two places I work. The bosses treat me well, and the customers are, for the most part, quite lovely. And there is cash. The luxury of being able to go out and buy myself a pair of new work shoes makes me giddy with excitement. And being able to go to yoga class again is a welcome change.

The trade off has been that all my creativity has gone into these new areas of my life. And this is good for now, but it is a season that will not last forever.

And I ask myself if it ever really was my 'dream' to do art and live off the selling of it. Well, for a time, yes. I wanted to prove to myself I could make it work. But I did not. I followed my intuition for a reason, and it led me to facing some truths in my personal life that had nothing to do with art making. Or maybe everything, for when I create again these lessons will inevitably affect my work.

The internal earthquakes I spoke of in my last blog three months ago were huge and I have not been specific about them for the reason that it is still too fresh. I am still grieving, still adjusting to my new life in Portland. At once in awe of the awesome change and sad as hell at times just the same. Because I really truly thought that California was where I needed to go for my career. That I did not want to do customer service again. I am a classic case of never say never.

This brings me to Alanis Morisette. On Wednesday, I saw her new Underneath video for the first time and the song hit a deep personal chord. She has always inspired me and been a comfort through her gut wrenchingly honest words and this new song is no exception. In fact, I felt her channeling true divine energy in this song about what is happening in her heart affecting so much the outer world. I have been challenged all my life with self-defeating thoughts within that run so deep, it is a wonder I function at all on the physical plane. But I do, as do so many of us, though we tend to act out our wounded hearts and cause grief to ourselves and others like nobodies business.

So, this is all I have for today. That I am sitting here writing feels good for the first time in a long time.

Plate Tectonics

2008-04-15T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll. Plate tectonics, you know, the earthquake related thingys we all learned about in junior high, describe my life of late. The rubbing together of metaphorical giant plates creating a natural disaster and emotional shifts and oooohhhhh crap, not again!!! Not to mention work. I have been working a lot lately to pay back all those college loans, loans from friends, and the basic phone bill, among the other necessities such as cat litter and food. Oh yea, and Tri-Met. Seeing as I live five years from anything in Portland (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration) I am on the bus often. And staring and waiting not always so patiently for my stop to arrive. I realize this is not really the most interesting topic I have ventured into, but I am just not feeling like there is much else in me that wants to flow out onto this computer.
As for art in my life, it is taking the form of making a living. It is in the little everyday things I am doing to recreate my life here in Portland, as it is virtually a blank slate. I do have a tv, a temporary cot thingy, an old tattered chair my friend Kim gave back to me, and some boxes full of important papers and such. These elements and my cats and a few paintings pretty much wraps it all up.
I am working on a logo for my friend Jessica's new company, called Overflow Research, LLC, and it is coming, but not quite perfect yet. It takes time to come around to just the right image, and I will not be satisfied until it clicks and she loves it. Not a simple task, quite frankly.
Right now I am going to head out for another long bus ride. Goodbye.

WHAT???

2008-04-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

A lot can happen in one month. Take March, for example. I moved back to Portland. I will not entertain the detailed explanation, I will just state it as fact and say that I am just as surprised as the next person that I am here. I will say, however, that no matter how much I may want to think I have control over every move in my life, there are greater forces at work...be it my life purpose, the big picture I cannot see, soul work I need to do that comes at unexpected times, that have much to do with this.
I reentered Portland quietly as I just have needed to readjust to this new place and time. Thankfully it is comfortable here, MUCH TOO COLD, but comfortable in the familiarity I have with it and the people I know I can see and, most importatly, EAT with. (Food is of great importance in my life!).
So, not much else to say on the topic.

Things of note

2008-02-29T16:50:00.001-08:00

Since I have not blogged all month, let me recap a few noteworthy gallery sightings in San Francisco over the last 29 days. My friend Angela came to town in early February, and she and I bussed our sweet selves over to the Legion of Honor to view the Marie Antionette exhibit and the rest of their collection. Part of the museum's draw for us was the location, with stunning views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the city.
I was blown away by the technical expertise of the master oil painters. A truly humbling experience viewing the precision with which paintings were executed in the days before the camera. I wanted to go to a master class of oil painting and re-learn everything from one of these people. Room after room of how did they DO that?! and OMG. The drapery, fruit, lace, flesh...all an inspiration. And it is good when I go to a museum and walk out with the desire to be a better painter.
Next show of note, Charles H. Trapolin: Dismemberer (Tornado of Knives) and Other New Work. I went to the opening on February 10th after meeting a friend of his who told me about the show (one of those synchronistic moments). It was in his studio, a bright, high-ceiling space with a garage door which was transformed into a gallery.
His work has roots in shamanism. It is primitive, soul seeking, dirt digging work. He explores the conflict between spirit and body using sculpture, drawing and painting. In the powerful drawing I Am Dead, he is coming to terms with the inevitability of his own death. On a large sheet of paper he writes those words over and over, resulting in a powerful drawing that pulses with energy.
The Dismemberer sculpture is a literally a tornado of knives hung from the ceiling. A very large tornado of knives. I do not have a critique of it, just a personal reaction which is mental anguish. The fight of the spirit to feel comfortable in the body and the body to be comfortable with the spirit. I could sense a war between the two going on throughout the work. Or at he very least a dialogue. And I have been grappling with these issues myself of late, so this work hit a personal chord for me. I am thankful for an artist like Charles who lets the spiritual come out in his art. Because we need that now more than ever. I need that now more than ever.

jenny came to town.

2008-02-29T15:57:00.001-08:00

Portals

2008-01-31T14:27:00.001-08:00

Links are exciting. With the click of the mouse on a name you are transported into another portal, another world. I have signed up for a ridiculous amount of newsletters since getting a computer, not to mention the hi5 site (joined on a whim back in the summer and do not even use it), myspace, and am thinking about the facebook. I feel like a computer ho and that there is someone/something out there tracking all this action with a secret file on me. Part of the reason I did not enter into this world for so long is that I feared a loss of privacy. But as I am trying to spread the gospel of my art (ha ha) and express myself/show my work to a wider audience I am choosing to relinquish that tendency to hermit. And I am scouring the internet on a regular basis.
One blog piqued my interest a few days ago while I stumbled through the local craigslist artist section. It is the South A Arts Alliance from Santa Rosa. They put a call out for artists and bloggers to join in their online art community. An artist named Lise Carlson got my attention first for the name Carlson, which is my surname, but then for her abstract paintings. Since I am a 'feelings' kind of person, I will say that I truly felt these images. Intense color softly woven on to the canvas. And the words she uses to describe what she is trying to achieve when painting are enlightening. In writing this I am coming to the conclusion that I respond most to art that is transformational/uplifting/ethereal, as my desire to feel joy and fulfilled and inspired is what drives me to keep moving. Ani Difranco, in one of her many songs, sang that (and I quote loosely) "art is why I get up in the morning." I echo that. The people I hold most respect for are artists who keep working despite all the odds and the hard work or the lack of retirement funds. On that note, I have some creating to do. So Sweet Pea (my cat) and I say goodbye.

As the Laundry Dries.

2008-01-26T22:00:00.001-08:00

I am laying on the couch with this laptop and my PJ's and the dryer lulling me to comforting sleep in the background at the end of a day where I once again cried in public. On Pier 14 to be exact. I like to talk with my friends and sisters as I walk along the Embarcadero and up and down the various piers around here, and sometimes I am upset and who better to cry to than ones girlfriends and sisters? Unfortunately, unsuspecting strangers must walk by a tear- drenched 31 year old having her own version of a mid-life crisis.
Well, I just have to straight up say that right now, despite all my efforts, I am not doing so well. I am not thrilled with where I am at this moment in time in all sorts of major life areas. The thing is, as I write it, I am not in despair. I am not exactly jumping up and down, but I am going to look at it right now as writing down a fact. What is the point in having a blog about life as an artist if one can't be brutally honest about each and every step? That the rosy sun-drenched afternoons I so adore are not always. Everyone knows they never are, but I still find myself needing to justify where I am at, to prove to people I am OK and happy and doing this and that to be a bigger better person, artist, etc. So not comfortable just saying that this move, though exactly what I needed at the time, is currently not going how I was hoping (in a nutshell, I was hoping I'd have made some money selling a painting, found a studio and had my own home to live in, met the man of my dreams...). I know what I want, I just do not have it right now. So I have chosen to once again dig deep. Deeper than ever before to find freedom in a situation in which I find breathing difficult. To refuse to see anything but the brightest outcome for myself and my future. But here I go again, trying to tie it all up in a pretty little knot. The thing is, at the end of this day, I actually believe that the good stuff can happen, despite my struggle with the timing of it all not being my desired timing. My ego wants everything NOW. For crying out loud, NOW!!!!
Good night.

PICTURES!!

2008-01-22T00:02:00.000-08:00

Lake Tahoe

2008-01-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Just took a walk in the Tahoe keys neighborhood here in South Lake Tahoe. I came out yesterday with my cousin to Dana and Ron's family cabin/house. More of a house and in a neighborhood that is more suburban in look than cabin-like. Anyway, the air and the views are refreshing and I am already wanting to go back out and take in some more of the beauty. And find a view of the vast lake from one of the beaches I remember visiting as a kid. I have not been here for almost 20 years, the last visit being the summer of '89. I always loved vacationing at Tahoe in my youth (I still feel young, like that kid who just wanted to play in the lake all day long and then pig out on barbeque and smores, cheeks pink and glowing from the burning, glorious sun due to a less than satisfactory amount of sunscreen applied to my pale baby face).
I am depressed, actually. I walk this line between depression and hope/expectation on a regular basis. I still know I am in the right geographical location, which is amazing, yet long for more. This longing is constant, and I have been very aware of it lately. I have been aware that when I am waking up in the morning, I am thinking of the working out I am going to go do. When I am working out, I am thinking of the breakfast I will make. When I am making breakfast I am thinking about eating it. You get the picture. Bringing myself into that eternal present moment and truly enjoying it is a mental workout. There are moments where the pleasure of being present is truly there, and that is priceless. I long to duplicate those times. Still, that longing exists.
The exercise thing has been truly great lately. I have taken to swimming laps, which I do on the days I do not do yoga. My aunt gave me some goggles, which have been key to my current winning moves in the pool. I can do thirty laps now, awkward ones for the most part, but energizing and mostly fun. The breathing part is the greatest challenge. And not swallowing water and choking on it when I breathe.
My sister just sent me a voicemail so beautiful it has encouraged me to keep on keeping on, and I really need that encouragement often. I was thinking today that maybe I ought to just move up here to Tahoe and pitch a tent in the snow and just get away for a while. The woods are so attractive and peaceful and beckon me to join them. Pitching a tent in the city just does not have the same appeal (though I must add here that certain homeless folks have done just that along the Embarcadero at night. I admire their ingenuity. I feel closer to homeless people at times than others than those with bonafied shelter doing it all right and paying their bills. There is a subversive quality in refusing to play the game that appeals to me, even if one is slightly nuts.).
Done ruminating for now. Good night.

Southern Exposure

2008-01-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

So, there is a gallery called Southern Exposure on 14th and Valencia, and I went there today to volunteer my time doing installation painting. The door was opened by the artist whose installation I would be helping with. Her name is Jenifer Wofford. A delight. I started the day more than a little stressed out about things I will not go into at this moment, all the while a wind and rainstorm raged outside, loud whooshing sounds and big fat raindrops hitting all the windows. I did not want to eat anything here for breakfast, as fridge was bare and oatmeal sounded icky, so I went to the local Crossroads cafe for coffee, a bagel and hopefully some peace of mind. It helped, but I still had to get back outside and get change for the Muni at the bank and...well, I was soaked and more than a little pissy by the time I actually got across town to the gallery. And I was clueless as to what to expect. Ms. Woffords unassuming nature and overall down to earth-ness refreshed my scrunched up soul. I was set to work painting a dorian plant on the wall, whilst other helper ladies (no men there at all today) painted various other forms of foliage. She has a little over a week to create this world of school lockers and plants and a mall and metal detectors and I am so impressed by her drive and orchestration and talent that has brought this project into being. An inspiring group of women today...so much so that I am encouraged to keep paving my own path and having confidence in whatever it is I am doing. Fear paves the road to regrets, and I do not want to regret a moment. I want to sieze and create opportunity, not discount myself because I think someone else is better. Yo. Self-confidence 101 is in session. I totally missed that course several times growing up. I have been the anti-confidence poster child. Must muster up more courage to do new things. Good night.

Underground

2007-12-28T14:25:00.000-08:00

I just spent the last week buried in antiques. Part of the deal upon my moving into my aunt's home is that I would help purge at least one storage space of its multi-generational collections of mahogany furniture and antique china, silver, crystal and porcelain ware. We unpacked eight boxes of gems, and pretty much could open our own little antique store if we wanted to. In the middle of all that moving and unpacking we made a delicious turkey dinner Christmas eve and wandered over to Grace cathedral for one of their Christmas services. I have always been enamored of the Cathedrals I studied in school, and this is the first one I have ever been to as I have not yet made it to Europe. It is up on California Street, surrounded by super high end hotels, across from a beautiful park and a huge Victorian mansion. It was a magical night, what with the full moon and the clear sky and twinkling lights of the city surrounding us. Being in the actual service brought me back to the ants in my pants feeling I had in countless services as a kid. Pretty much, ten minutes into it I am over the ritual and ready to go home and eat. Some things never change. The music was top notch...the choir and trumpets the highlight of the whole experience. And looking up at the ceiling with the incense floating way up in the air. I think I was an architect in some other life.
Right now I am listening to Beethoven (the Immortal Beloved soundtrack is amazing) while sitting on the couch writing this. I am alone for a few days and look forward to watching movies, reading and polishing some silver. I love to polish silver. I bought some Wright's silver cream yesterday and am going to party it up over here later on today.
Thinking of Oregon today as the Beavers are playing in one of college bowls just up the street. I have seen many an orange-clad visitor walking the Embarcadero today. The ball park is just up the street from us.
That's all for now.

12 am on the couch

2007-12-20T00:22:00.000-08:00

Rainy out and I am cuddled on the couch with a big fluffy comforter and lots of pillows. I have been at the computer for a while now, editing images and cleansing/organizing my ever-full Yahoo account. I took a day off using the computer and tonight have been engaged fully in this world. A break does a body and mind good. Words have seemed to falter out of my head and onto this blog lately. What is new for me to tell? I am a day away from new website launch. YEAH!!!! I visited Ritual Roasters for the first time and fell in love (with the ambiance and coffee and carrot cake muffin...not an actual human being though one of the baristas does strike my fancy). Yesterday, I met with an old Portland friend for a day of play and sight seeing and walking and eating. On Monday night I took Edgar to the vet as I was concerned about his health and could not rest until he had his check-up. He is OK. I am OK. Overall a pretty eventful week so far.

Pretty Pictures

2007-12-16T13:33:00.002-08:00

Do not feel like saying much, so here are some pictures that can talk for me.

Flame

2007-12-06T12:59:00.000-08:00

Good morning. Or should I say good afternoon. It is 1:01 pm and I am just getting started here. San Francisco sunniness has given way this past week to a more Portland-esque cloudiness, just in time for some serious nesting this holiday season. I have the candles lit, their little jumpy flames moving all around thanks to a draft coming from the window direction. Around that big window, my cousin Kolya and I hung lighted garland last night, adding further warmth to the ambiance around here. I need it. My surroundings play a huge role in my mood, and I find the best cure for the blues is to clean house thoroughly. Rearrange furniture. Fold my heap of unkempt clothes that I have thrown around for a week. Vacuum up all cat hairs in every corner and under the bed.
I am thinking about my next couple of weeks and what I shall do with them. Naturally, I want to finish my website (I SWEAR IT IS COMING!!) and print out my portfolio pages. Jacque talked me through what felt like a workout with a personal trainer, as she talked me through how to format the pages for my portfolio on Illustrator. I will get back to storage and get painting going as I miss the color. Drawing has been extra good for me though. I would always skip the sketches and go straight for the color in my studio, and this has forced me to investigate the value of all the colors I see and make the drawing interesting. I like that. I am naturally drawn toward architecture (pretty obvious from my work!) and so have been going with it. Practice makes perfect. Words uttered relentlessly from my childhood days of Suzuki piano practice.
Sweet Pea (my precious kitty hanging out with me) are signing off now.

Becoming the Wind

2007-11-24T14:44:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog has its source in the latest book I read called The Alchemist, written by Paulo Coelho. It is "A fable about following your dream." I adore this book. It was my bedtime story for the last two weeks and every night that I read it I was more inspired and slept better than on the nights that I did not. The timing of its entry into my life was perfect as I have needed reminders, lots of them, these last two weeks as to why it is I moved here. Why it is I do not have any desire to just go out and get a job like I used to. I started to deeply doubt my choices and my dream as I realized that I had hoped to be completely settled already. Not where I am at right now. But this is where the book comes in. Because the boy in the book is following his dream and seeking great treasure that he is told (by a gypsy and a king) is by the great pyramids. At the beginning of his journey he is very lucky and the universe helps him out to get started following his destiny. As the journey progresses, however, the luck seems to run out and things do not come so easy. I have held onto this part of the story. Because these last two weeks have felt like a test. So much so that I have wanted to give up. But I cannot give up, really. I have gotten this far and learned so much and though it may not look like what I was secretly expecting, it is still okay. I am okay here, right now, in a home that is not my own in a city that is new to me. This will not be forever, I will find my way home and I will treasure the journey.
At the end of the story, the boy has to become the wind in order not to be killed by a tribe he and his friend, the alchemist, encounter in the desert. He does not know how he is going to do it. He is frightened. But he talks to the wind, the sun and to God and he magically transforms himself with their help. And he does not die.
Here is to magical transformation and living the dream.

Stress

2007-11-17T17:29:00.000-08:00

Being an adult can be rough. Talk about going from the bliss of new possibilities to the grind of asphalt and rubber and honking cars and sun glare on a Mercedes (packed with junk for Goodwill) that is not mine obliterating my visibility on streets I have no familiarity with. All to bring my newest little drawings to an art gallery for a show it seems every artist in town has entered (total exaggeration, but that was how it felt seeing the room full of boxes for the Post Postcard show at the Lab). It has taken every ounce of my strength and will this week to keep believing in my dream of all art and no hourly work of the kind I dabbled in for so long.

Today the people I encountered in that area of town seemed toughened and tired. I know I was tired and afraid. After dropping off my precious cargo at the gallery I went to Safeway to find a toilet. I watched as all the humans went about their business in that too dark store. I did not feel safe there at all. I walked around the entire store looking for the bathroom only to find it right where I came in (my metaphor for life right now...looking to hard for what is right in front of me).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I felt the weariness of the human race today. The exhaustion and isolation that a big city can breed. I felt so little tenderness and love out there that it made me want to be that for people. I do not want to get stuck back in that place, and that is part of the reason I moved here. I want to change my own behavior of reacting with fear in situations exactly like the one I was in today.

Anyhow, my cats have managed to fall asleep in the exact same pose near each other. We had a rocky morning together as mommy did not have any food in the house for their usual feeding time. Edgar will not let me sleep until he is taken care of. I have never met a more demanding cat when food is involved.

November 13

2007-11-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

Hey hey hey. Time for another episode of "What is Suzy up to now?" Well, let me tell you about it. I am listening to allclassical.org, hailing out of Portland, OR (what up 89.9? I never did pledge my support to you, but when I hit my pot o' gold you are on my top ten list of people to pay!!!) on my brand-new-to-me laptop. I have so missed the constant stream of classical music I had coming off the FM station in my old loft, and technology brings it all back to me. I can almost smell the morning pancakes (my breakfast specialty), coffee, and see the sunlight streaming in through the arched windows and my cats curled up on a chair or in a sunspot on the floor. I miss those late nights painting too, and the overall grand simplicity that my old home held.
This is not to say that I am wishing I was back there. Lets just say I am thankful I had nearly three years there and can look back on it fondly. Seeing as I am still in transition here, meaning I am still at my aunts home, I do long for that sense of ownership and sacred home space that is filled with things I love. Things I get to buy or find seeing as I pretty much liquidated all my assets before heading down here. Patience, yet again, seems to be the operative word in my life.
I have been drawing all week to fill a 5x6x11" box for an art show down here in San Francisco. I am excited about it and nervous. Nervous because I am really afraid of competition when it all comes down to the nitty gritty. I am simultaneously proud of what I do and ashamed or afraid it is not cool enough for the art world. I have been reminded of the fear that I felt in college in art class, of the feeling of failure at having not been to grad school or doing more in the arts. The power I continue to give my old profs in a world that is so far away!! Fear in my mind of the kind I grew up so familiar with. Get approval or perish, basically. There is a real panic-like state that sets in at the idea of really putting myself out there. I know that this can be worked through, I just need to do it. And I think this art show is a good place to start. Self-doubt is a bitch.
So there I am. Here I am. I am liking my solo days of art making this week, as I truly feel most connected to myself and peaceful when I draw or paint. The negative voices hush and I am content. And I am thankful for this sunny weather we have been having the last three days so I can get out and work. Thanks San Francisco. I love you.

eharmony

2007-10-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

Allright folks, I decided to delve into the world of online match-making via the eharmony site. You may be asking yourselves what this has to to with being a self-employed artist and I would say it has nothing much to do with it at all. It is just entertaining, and I have a new laptop to play with, and the giant questionairre sequence required to register yeilds enlightening truths about ones personality. If anything, I recommend it for that alone.
Did ya'll catch the part about me having a new laptop? Gone are the running to the library days, or bumming time off the Three Friends computer. This girl is plugged in and loving it. I was gifted this sweet Mac from Dana (THANK YOU JESUS!!!) Morehouse who is a close friend of the aunt and cousin I am now staying with in San Francisco. I have Illustrator and Photoshop in this bad boy, as well as a wealth of other programs I get to learn about. The really cool thing is that I can now learn how to design my own business cards and art show cards on Illustrator, so I have been spending my time playing around and actually reading the manual!!
Now back to the eharmony subject. I did not actually subscribe yet because they want money for that. I use the term self-employed loosley right now as I am not really making any money at this time. But since I last wrote all down and out and fed up, I have turned a mental corner. I am trusting in this abundant universe to provide the money for me when I really need it.
(universe, pretty please help me pay my bills, thank you)
In conclusion this evening, I want to recommend Golden Gate Park to all who have yet to visit this fine city of San Francisco. I went there for the first time today on the Muni, and discovered the gorgeous Botanical Gardens, the de Young museum (I did not go in but was still able to enjoy great sculpture surrounding it) and all sorts of statues and greenery. I barely got started when the sudden cold pushed me out of there.
That's all for today. Happy Halloween!

Walk to Pier 39 seeking quick cash

2007-10-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

OK. So it is not much of a secret that I have been financially challenged this year. Heck, my whole adult life has been a deep struggle in this area. It is not that I have not been working or am lazy. A large part of the issue is that I started out with so many school loans and the need for so much therapy that I felt fucked from the get go. In the spirit of healing and not making excuses, I accept this or I like to tell myself I have accepted this but I have moments, like today, when the wound feels like too much to bear. I am so tired of not having. Of seeking. Of holding on. This wound was re-opened today when I went to Pier 39 seeking people with clipboards who take your opinions and in return give you $50 in cash. I was tipped off to the existence of these people thanks to my aunt and uncle who visited here last week. They each walked away with $100 and I thought that is just what I need to help pay for the gas to get Madison, Jacque and my two cats down here in two weeks. So I approach the two women armed with clipboards and say I would like to take their survey, simultaneously hopeful and ashamed at the fact that I need their help. First, they say, they have to see if I meet their criteria. Am I between the ages of 34 and 59? Well, no, I am 31. And that was that. I walked away and called my sister Madison and then I hung up and walking home felt my shoulders slumping. My hope flailing. The beauty I was taken with on this truly gorgeous sunny day all the sudden gone. Wanting to let it out and cry but walking down the Embarcadero and too many people and cars and not safe. I feel rich in my mind and heart and relationships but poor materially and I am so sick of this. I am sooo fucking sick of this. I arrived home to a message from The Container Store saying thank you for the application I sent in a few days ago and they would like me to call them and schedule a phone interview. I think that is good, yet I am so afraid this will be just another corporate Starbuck-like job and am I not believing enough in my work if I take it? Even if benefits are available to part-time workers? I want to believe in the dream, the one where I can sustain myself creating art, whatever form it may take. And I know this financial struggle is not just something I am alone in. My sister's and I have collectively fought it. And my family history suggests an intense struggle with it. If anything, being here at my aunt's and uncovering family photos and learning story's I was never before told shows me I am dealing with a legacy of financial struggle. I want to stop it.

Two weeks in San Francisco

2007-10-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Ok. It seems blogging is not my specialty. I started out all gung-ho in April or whenever I started this thing, and I have been slacking. There are a lot of reasons why this is so that just are not worth revisiting.
Two weeks ago today my brother-in-law Asher and I left Portland in a U-haul for California. He dropped me off in San Francisco thirteen hours later (maybe a bit more if you count the stopping for sleep and treats, specifically one Oreo Blizzard) and I have been having adventures ever since. But I have not been too keen on writing about them. Perhaps because this takes energy and I am exhausted. Exhausted in every little way a person can get that way...physically, emotionally, blah blah blah...BUT simultaneously freaking excited about my new life here and the infinate possibilities.
I feel like I am uncovering my true self, or re-emerging. No more depressed struggling afraid and hurting and heartbroken, but the little girl I remember when my family lived in Oakland in my earliest years (before age five). This is a miracle to me. I feel like I have been in the trenches for years trying to get back here. Talking to therapists, seeking all sorts of people or books or ideas to help me cure the emotional pain that I absorbed via my circumstances growing up. I think that we really know our true essence in the earliest ages, when the fear of our parents or schools or surroundings have not overtaken us or indoctrinated us without us having a say if we want it or not. When we are taken with the beauty or magic in the simplest of things. (ie tree, bird, flower, sandbox, chocolate ice cream cone, fairyland, etc.)
Now that I am on the other end of this long tunnel breathing clean air it all seems so simple. Like, why didn't I figure out how to feel good sooner? But I guess that is the tricky part. It does not happen over night. Which makes the sweetness of the coming out of the dark taste so great.
Though I wouldn't have minded skipping a few of the really shitty parts.

STILL Alive

2007-09-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

yes, one month has passed since my last hello. have not felt inspired to share of my goings on as have been doing so much and the words just feel stale coming out. whateva, yo. at three friends again. waiting for friends to have a last cup of coffee with here in Ptown.

I was just at my art studio and realized I have more packing work than I anticipated. I have spent the last week sorting through all my things and selling a lot of them and realizing I want to be rid of more, more, more...get out of my life you things that I once treasured but do not belong with me anymore. Such a relief, to shed old things and beliefs and anything that does not serve me anymore. I am feeling lighter by the minute. Anyone want to buy a television? Going to drink coffee and eat a cheesy bagel with cream cheese and chat.

The Final Countdown

2007-09-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

How did it get to be the middle of September? I seriously do not know. Busy. One word to describe my life right now. A week ago today was the opening reception at Three Friends and I thank all the lovely people who showed up to support me and eat snacks with me. It was a sweet evening. I do not think the men's group meeting in the middle of the cafe were thrilled with the competition, but oh well. I think we were decent company.
I have no place lined up in the Bay Area. A few maybes came and went, but no for sures.
What else to say? Oh yea. Getting geared up for a yard sale next Saturday, September 22nd. Come and check out my stuff.

much TOO long!!

2007-08-30T17:19:00.000-07:00

I have totally dropped the ball on the blogging this month, sorry folks. So much is happening in such a short time. I will now fill you in on some of it.
My latest mass email announced my imminent move to the Bay Area on October 1st and I have been putting my energy toward preparing for that and my art show at Three Friends Coffeehouse in September. I will have an opening reception on First Friday, Sept. 7th from 6-9pm. Address is SE 12th and Ash.
I am in my studio right now putting finishing touches on paintings. I'd like to get these three big ones I have been working on over to the cafe to show, so I must work overtime to make it happen. My beloved sister Andi let me borrow this laptop and thank god for it so much more gets done so much faster if I have a computer with me. I have got to get myself one of these. But I have all those goddamn student loans screaming at me monthly and I can barely pay my cell bill let alone my rent. I talked to the loan people and will work something out I hope and must call vet and get Edgar's bill worked out as am delinquent and these just a few of the necessary things I must tend to. This is just where my mind goes and this is the real bleep of everyday life and instead of censoring it I am going to let it out.
I had a response to my Craig's list add which basically asked for a free place to stay while I transition into the bay area. I listed all my wishes...peaceful, yard, cats OK, studio needed etc, and a woman from France said she owns a place she needs looked after. I am intrigued. I am aching to hear back because there is one detail that I need more clarification about. And it takes a leap to trust someone I have never meant in a deal that seems almost too good to be true. Then again, maybe it is just the miracle I have been looking for and I need to put aside my fears and go with it for goodness sake!
I must get back to the painting. Because that is the one thing that gives me the most satisfaction in life.

Blogging is fun and wine is tasty

2007-08-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

All right everyone. It is no secret (especially if you have viewed my photos on myspace) that I like wine. Hell, I like beer too. Anyhow, in the spirit of body preservation and overall mental well-being, I have attempted of late to cut back on the spirits so as to conjure them up on my own and not be reliant on the external bliss sources. These wines and beers I have so enjoyed do create a bliss which I revel in BUT almost every time kick my ass with a wicked headache or overall feeling of CRAP the next morning. This is because the restraint button after I have started is disabled by the euphoria that bliss brings, so I tend to have one drink too many (sometimes two!).
I recently went seven days with no alcohol and that felt damn fine. I do not predict any full-on quitting of the spirits, but perhaps more stretches of time where I do not seek it out as a medication for a rough day, or just because it tastes so good.
Here is to feeling good just because I am alive and well. AMEN.

Art-wise, I will be having Ryan Legler update my website within the next two weeks, so there will be a lot of new paintings for your viewing pleasure! I will send out a mass email when the updates are complete. I am working on three new larger pieces that will be in the show at Three Friends in September, so do come and check out my new work at the opening! The opening date will be announced soon....

Blessings to you all who come online and read my blog! Thank you for your support.

Road Trip!

2007-07-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

I returned at 1:00 AM this morning from a road trip with Andi Starr and the band (hey Madison and Nicholas!) to California and back. I awoke at 1:30 PM today. The big van "Whitey" transported us safely from place to place, with Asher, aka Clark Griswald, at the helm. Popper, Andi and Asher's cat, rested quietly under the back seat for almost the whole trip, only trying to escape once (oh no, there goes Popper up the stairs of someone else's front porch!).
It feels good to be alone again, but it also was good to get a shake up in my routine and get out camping at Mt. Shasta and ride through highway 101 for the first time. I have come home with the desire to work and plan my imminent move to California. I had a few doubts about the move while down there, but being back I still feel confident that I am heading there next. I want the change in my life. So I am open to wherever I land. I have a lot of painting and planning to do in the next two months, so I will be a busy beaver making it all happen.

ALBERTA, this Thursday. Will be there with Jacque as long as it stays dry.
4pm-9pm. Between 15th and 24th AVE. on Alberta St.(we have usually been at 24th, but may switch it up this time)

Oops.

2007-07-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

The Three Friends Coffeehouse show is actually in September. The 'opening' will be announced as soon as I set a date and make up some fliers. This cafe is truly a staple of the inner SE neighborhood and I have spent many hours there checking my email, writing, or eating cheesy bagels with cream cheese and drinking the to-die-for coffee with an add shot. I discovered Three Friends about four years ago when I lived in Ladd's Addition. I would walk there on the weekends for a quiet morning alone with the crossword or a book or my little journal. The last time I had my work hung there was in 2004, and it was a good fit. I actually sold a few pieces and met some lovely people through it (hi Brucey!).

I never made it to the Last Thursday in June due to rain. I am not sure if the street venues are really what I am wanting to do anyhow, as I am focusing my energies now on larger pieces that would benefit from being on some real gallery walls. If you actually went out there to look for me I apologize for being MIA.

I just finished my latest commission for Cindy in San Anselmo and am looking forward to shipping it down. I just have to get Thomas to call me back for some photographic documentation. I think he may be avoiding me, but am not entirely sure!!

I have been gently getting myself back into yoga and it has been necessary for this body. I join Eloise and Tatiana at Oregon Park a couple times a week for ashtanga style yoga. I am starting to get used to it and am loving being outside. Summer is a luxurious time...just go to a park on a hot afternoon and lay on the grass and stare up at the leaves of the trees and feel the damp grass on your back and you will totally agree with me.

Thank Hestands

2007-06-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

Seriously, my former neighbors the Hestands (a family of five living in a loft!) have once again pulled through for the artist known as Suzanne Elizabeth. They are on vacation and have granted me use of their lovely Subaru and in addition to giving a kitty, two hamsters, a toad and some plants attention, I get to do some laundry and use a computer. Not bad at all. This body grows weary of all the walking and stuff. Here is a big shout out to them as they frolic in the wilderness for two weeks!

In two days...LAST THURSDAY on ALBERTA. Jacque and I will be between 15th and 24th Ave. Just stroll up and down the street and you will find us! Anytime in the afternoon or evening.

Too much pasta

2007-06-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

This blog is not really about pasta, but I did eat some too fast for lunch, leaving me a bit queasy on my way over to the library. Water. Need water.

The next "Show" date is ALBERTA'S LAST THURSDAY this month, June 28th, from 4:00pm-9:00pm. You will find me at NE 24th and Alberta.
On display will be my one-of-a-kind gift cards (I am making new ones as the last batch flew away in California) and some smaller oil studies on paper and panel. Stroll up and down the street and enjoy all sorts of art, music, food and overall Portland funkiness.

The next show in an actual cafe will be at THREE FRIENDS COFFEEHOUSE in August. It is at SE 12th and Ash and I will probably have a little opening event in honor of it as long as my old chap Nicholas does not mind.

You can still enjoy wine, a meal and my art at L'Astra through the end of June (open nightly 5:30-11:00pm). It is up an extra month...which brings me to the next exciting piece of news. A two-page picture of L'Astra's interior (at the beginning of the restaurant section) made it into the WWeek's yearly Finder and my paintings are right there! I am super thrilled about this. My name is not in it, but who cares. The two pieces shown in the magazine happen to be the ones I sold at the show in San Rafael, but I have put two others in their place.
Check it out. And save me a copy if you can. I want to collect a few extras.

Rosy

2007-06-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

OK everyone. I love my new art studio. I spent my first afternoon painting there yesterday and it felt good. The thing is, lately I have spent much more time moving, sleeping and getting life's chores done than actually doing any painting. There is a guilt factor going on in there, but also I just need time for my body to rest, and it demands a whole heck of a lot of it. Like this morning, for example. I set my alarm for 8:05, planning to snooze until about 9:00 (hopefully earlier), and then go to the studio after some coffee and Puffins. But no, I awoke at 11:05 and did not get going until 12:00. And mind you, 'getting going' does not mean actually getting out the door. It means making coffee and breakfast and writing and visualizing my beautiful future while listening to the classical music station. One of these days I will wake up and embrace this natural schedule of mine. Gone are the days when I could force myself to wake up at 4:45 for an 8 hour work day. I took pride in my long hours in the days of yore because it made me feel like I was okay...I was working and I could tell people what I did and feel like it was valid. Now, I would like to release my need to justify the way I work and when I work and how long I work. Let it go, as my Jenny would say. Without anyone but me setting the guidelines, I am learning how to manage my time and create balance.

Moved in

2007-05-31T18:51:00.001-07:00

I have spent the last two weeks preparing to move, moving and unpacking. My back aches and any normalcy that existed in my previous schedule has been shot to hell. That just goes with the territory. Despite the exhaustion due to the change, there is an equal amount of excitement and discovery in the change. I am finding how conveniently located my new home is, how great it is to have a roommate to eat meals with and shop with (for all the annoying little moving items like bath tub stoppers, velcro, key duplicates...) and decorate with. And my cats love their new home.
I have also found a gem of a studio to work in. I am moving into a space tomorrow at the Towne Storage building with the artist Craig Holmes. The view is incredible and inspiring as it faces the entire downtown and river and bridges of Portland. I look forward to going there to work everyday. For now, I am going back to perfecting the domestic environment before my roommate gets home from work!

I love California

2007-05-18T14:28:00.001-07:00

I had such an amazing weekend in San Rafael and San Francisco. So much so that I want to move there and buy a million dollar home in Marin county. It was not just the beauty that I felt so at home in, but the reuniting time with extended family and the ease with which all events occurred. Aside from a not so smooth entrance in Andi's huge fan into San Francisco (I lost it just a little on a Bay Bridge exit) the rest of the trip was calm. Hanging my art at Sarah's home was like butter. Her lighting perfect, not to mention the wall color. She and Rebecca slaved over the appetizers on Saturday, the day of the art show and my sister's gig at the Marin County Brewing Co. I will continue this tomorrow, as the library has warned me my time is almost up...

Moving on

2007-04-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

Ten days after writing my last blog about being open to moving, an opportunity to move in with a friend was too good to pass up. And I get to go look for a studio to work in that will be perfect for my needs. Must have a lot of light. And in the SE so I can walk to it. Will write more later as I just received the library's five minute warning.

Show in San Francisco

2007-04-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

My cousin Sarah in San Rafael (somewhere near San Francisco) is hosting an art show for me at her home on May 12th. I look forward to being in a new place, meeting new people and establishing new contacts. My sisters will be driving down there with me, as well as their band mate, Nicholas, if they secure a gig down there. I have not been to the bay area for 12 years, and have a fondness for it as I spent my early childhood in Oakland before my family packed up and moved to slug-infested Bellingham, WA. Its only saving grace was the lake and the beauty.
I have begun two new, larger paintings this week and the freshness of starting the new projects invigorates me. I have done so many small, intricate pieces that doing larger paintings is a welcome change. They are interior pieces, as I have not yet tired of painting my home. There are a million paintings waiting to be done there. Which brings me to the subject of "how long will I live there?" I do not know. The thought of leaving makes me panic more than a little, but continually coming up with the rent is a constant, exhausting challenge. Finding the place was a miracle, and having stayed there this long (going on 3 years in August) yet another one...you know, I have had this conversation with myself and others a million times and when it all boils down I know I am not ready to go yet. But if some other opportunity presents itself, I will surely be open to it. My art and life are so intertwined there that the next place must be pretty stellar for me to move on. Remember, Alberta's Last Thursday in 6 days. Till next time...

Rainy monday

2007-04-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

Hello all ya'll who have found the secret passageway to my ultra fancy blog site. It is Monday, April 16th and I am blue. It is official. Why? you may ask. A combination of complex entwined emotions culminating in ennui (I do not really know what this word means, I just like it a lot and think it fits) of gigantic proportions. I apologize to all English majors and people who know their grammar and vocabulary.
Really, though, I think I will just ride it out. I am at my local Three Friends Coffeehouse (hello Nicholas, old chap!) and searching for something. I am usually in a funky state when I come here seeking clarity. Someone to give me the answer to something, to take away my sadness, to help me feel safe. Well, lets just say that no one and no thing can do that for me, no matter how many times I leave my home and wander over here searching for it. I am finding it easier to give myself the feeling of safety and peace I yearn for, it just takes serious work and all. Until next time...goodbye.

UPCOMING SHOW at Last Thursday on Alberta, April 26th. I will be at approximately 24th and Alberta on the sidewalk in front of a nice green lawn. I hope some of you can come out! I will be there from 4pm-9pm. I am selling affordable gift cards and small standard sized paintings on canvas you can easily frame, and other little gems. Original oils for gifts beat the living daylights out of unoriginal reproductions of other things for gifts. Totally.

April 5th, First Thursday

2007-04-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

It is a gorgeous day out. I just walked to the library and did not even need my little hoodie. I will be in the Pearl tonight at NW 14th and Irving in the showroom of Art@PosterGarden. I am looking forward to this new experience, though nervous/anxious as usual. Not much else to say at this point. Signing off.

Sun on Alberta

2007-03-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

My first night out selling my soul on Alberta was quite enjoyable. Peaceful. Jacque and I found a perfect spot near the corner of 24th and Alberta and enjoyed the March sunshine until 8:30, when it was too cold and became dark and a man started rapping an obscene song five feet away from our table. I am serious when I say obscene. And it only got worse as the rap progressed. The title had something to do with whiskey...wish I could remember because it was priceless.
I am looking forward to selling art on Alberta every month this summer (unless it rains, of course). I highly recommend you checking it out if you have never been. So many street vendors and music and shops...and a very relaxed atmosphere. My sisters and dear friends came out to see us and that made everything more comfortable. Then I went home and my sister Andi Starr was on Kink FM at 9:20 and it was sooo beautiful (she was sandwiched between the likes of dido and Alanis and i think the counting crows or other gems like them...good company). A miracle day.